Welcome, once again, to the philosophical rantings of the biggest Riku in town. That's right, the pants are loose, the jokes dirty, the lols a plenty and the demon flowing here at Big Riku's Guide to Life, Pt 4.

Ahhh, young love. Tis a wonderful thing. Since the dawn of time, when a young, shy boy first looked into the eyes of a pretty girl and said "Ug", which later became something a little more suave like "You're really pretty (Zume)", it has become one of the sources of eternal cuteness in this world of ours. Recently, a small flourish of it happened, gifting us these couplings:

-Callum and Zume (<3)
-Alex and Sors
-Bjorn and (the most likely imaginary even though I *apparently* talked to her) Caitlin
-Isaac and Mahs (Wow. Fanfic FULLY came true there)
-Raspberry and coke
-The cat and my left shoe
-ConBAM! and Buu

And it is to all of these young lovelies that I dedicate this life guide, for as long as young men have said "Ug" to young girls, the young girl's father and/or mother have been standing behind them with a club ready to break their skull in two. Yes, today I rant about

Meeting your partner's parents.

This is never an easy topic, especially when your partner happens to be a girl. However, having met many a parent before, I feel a degree of responsibility towards you all to impart my knowledge.

1. Be presentable.

This is quite possibly the most important rule when meeting the parents. As the saying goes, "You dont get a second chance at a first impression", so make sure it's a good one. While wearing baggy pants, a beanie and a hood may be comfortable, you look like a serial rapist (which you may or may not be...... *cough*pedo*cough* :) ), so perhaps a nice shirt would be better. Likewise, dressing up can be a problem too. If you come in a suit and tie, you may look as though you are trying to come off as being better than them. I suggest a good shirt and jeans. Look good, but, semi-casual. Choose relaxing, neutral colours, such as nice blues or whites. Black is also a good option, but, dont over-do it. Parents dont take nicely to goths/emos for some bizarre reason. Also, avoid red. Makes you stand out in an evil way. Make sure all clothes are washed and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WEAR PANTS! I CANNOT stress this enough. Pants are probably the BEST thing for meeting parents in. Belts help too.

2. Remember, it's their daughter you're taking.

These people have raised this girl, meaning they've kissed a thousand boo-boos, treated a thousand grazed knees, dried countless tears and spent precious dollars on them. Now, you are coming in and effectively taking them away from them to some degree. So, be gentle. Treat her and her family with the utmost respect. A helpful hint, let the host partner of the relationship initiate any PDA. Dont kiss her in front of her parents, let her kiss you in front of them. Dont walk up and place your arms on her hips, let her take your hands and put them there, or just hold them. Subconsciously, parents interpret actions like touching their daughter as you claiming them, and this often stirs up unwanted reactions, sometiems aggressively. Let her come to you. It's alot less frontal that way.

3. Be polite.

This is key to being ever allowed back again. Manners show that you respect their home, lifestyle and authority. Also, it makes you look like a suitable partner for their beloved child. Things to remember:

- Please and thank you
- Take shoes off at the door
- Slight bows when being introduced
- Parents sometimes give you jobs to do while you're there. Do them. Earns brownie points.

In terms of swearing, never swear first. Listen for the kind of language used by the hosts and work to that level. If they swear and then apologise for it, avoid swearing. Also, jokes are good, but, make sure they are clean.
- anything racist, sexist, rude, has swearing or offensive, leave out. Also, anything with a pub.
- Jokes like this are perfectly acceptable; "a duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. Him and the bartender strike up a conversation. His name wass Hewey, and he had been jumping on puddles all day. He leaves and another duck enters. Again, he strikes a conversation with the bartender. His name was Dewey and he'd been jumping on puddles all day. He leaves and a third duck walks in shortly after. The bartender wisens up and says
"Let me guess. Your name is Louie and you've been jumping on puddles all day?" To which the duck turns and rather angrily says
"NO! My name's PUDDLES! And before you ask, my day's been hell...."

Also, dont request things like food or drink. Wait for them to be offered. Toilets are ok to request.

4. Talk is good.

Good conversation topics:

-School and where you're going in life (parents like people that know where they're going)
-What kind of job you have
-Hobbies and sports
-How you two met
-What your family is like
-Personal interests.

BAD conversation topics:

-Anything involving the phrase "This one time when I was drunk/trashed/wasted.."
-Anything about drugs or alcohol
-Toilet humour
-Sex (AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!)
-Why you kick ass (however much you may, bragging isnt good)




Above all remember two things:
1) It is better to have these people on your side. It makes relationships alot easier because they will be more inclined to let you spend time together.
2) They treat all partners as potential parents to grandchildren. Seriously. So make sure you come off as a good parent type. A good trick is to get along with any siblings that your partner has. Especially little ones. It shows you're good with kids. Seriously, parents love it.

Good luck, and if you mess up so badly they come at you with a plank of wood with a nail in it, Godspeed.